Wow. I'm so lucky. The nicest guy in the world is falling for me. No, seriously. I actually totally feel that way about him. And that's what's do exciting, whatever hesitations I'm having. I really do think he's an absolutely amazing guy. He's so sincere and honest and caring and bold and smart and he calmly asked me tonight if he could come to my city to meet me. "If you're willing to meet me," he says. And he also told me that whenever he hears from me it makes his day.
(btw, we met on a dating website and we live in different cities.)
He said that he's growing more and more fond of me. He said that it's selfish because I make him feel good about himself. I told him that someone once told me that there's a word missing from the English dictionary and it means to take care of yourself but in a good way. Like, it's important to take care of yourself. And I said that it's really good to have someone in your life who makes you feel good about yourself so that's good.
What if he's just falling for me because I'm the first person he's met who he can actually connect to? What if I just seem totally amazing after all the other people he's met who are so far removed from what he feels and believes in? Maybe it's just like eating crap food after being starved.
Haha. So funny, coming up with these theories. I'll see what he says.
I really wonder if I'll ever show this blog to anyone.
On a different note, I almost wish the break up from my ex-bf (around 1 month ago) wasn't so peaceful because it can be so hard at times, remembering that it really wasn't good enough with him. I always, always had a knawing feeling. Something that didn't let me love him. Something that didn't let me feel like he's the nicest person in the world. I just couldn't. There were too many things that bothered me. That's why it's pretty exciting with this new guy. When I think about him, I just think about how wonderful he is. I'm amazed at how just totally great he is. Again, there are big hesitations but when I just think about who he is, from what I know so far, I just think, "Yay."
What negative things are there? Well, lets just say that he's enjoying the conversation more than I am.
Also, and probably connected to the first thing, I'm really stressed in general in my life - like unbelievably stressed - and specifically I'm stressed about relationship stuff because I just finished such a long-term relationship.
Everytime anything happens I get this fear and I'm thinking, "Omigosh. I don't want a rerun of the last relationship!"
Wow. I'm just remembering how on the phone tonight he said something that really wasn't helpful for me regarding the issue I'd brought up. So I said, Well, I just don't know if it's fair to tell me not to worry about this and telling me that just doesn't really help me in regards to this." And then I was sort of gonna continue trying to explain to him what I meant and you know what he said, "No, I understand what you're saying." And then he went on to say the right things.
Fucking genius. That's all I have to say.
It's like I have this feeling that I want to make the "right" decisions regarding him because I really wanna give it a chance to succeed. What a guy.
As my best friend says to me, I need to remember that whatever is happening, it is not the same as the last relationship because this is a different person, a different relationship.
I then did mention that my part could be a repetition but then I remembered a certain way that I acted with him that was healthier than I would have with my ex-bf and how it worked out really nicely and she said, "See? It's already different. Because he's a different person, you almost feel like you can act differently because you're getting more of what you want/need from him than you did from your ex."
I never usually use the word "ex", btw. I'm just using it here because I try to keep this annonymous.
Anyway, must sleep.
QE
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