How to love yourself

Today at Friday night dinner I was talking to the Rebbetzin. We spoke about the importance of loving yourself. Specifically she was talking about the idea that when you're in a relationship, if you love yourself then you're much better in the relationship. But I told her that I really wasn't sure how to get myself to love myself. She gave me such wise advice. So simple and doable!

She said that you have to think about what makes you love or like others and appreciate those things in yourself. If you really respect honesty, then be honest and you'll love yourself. If you love when people try hard, persevere, try to make good decisions, search for Truth, try to be good to others, then work on being that.

She said that she doesn't believe that people can just automatically love themselves. They need to be what they would love in others.

I do have a little bit of an issue with it because there is the idea of being able to love someone regardless of what they do but for me it's really helpful because I'm really hard on myself, expecting so much. But once I put it in the context of someone else - meaning, I ask myself, what if someone else was acting like this? - then it helps put it in perspective.

I left feeling quite good about myself because I was thinking about what an amazing person I am. I am worked so hard to get to where I am. I care so much about living a meaningful life. I care so much about being good to others.

Wow. I'm experiencing something so interesting as I write this. I'm feeling discomfort when I write those good things about myself, questioning if those are true. Amazing how difficult it is for me to say good things about myself. Because I know they aren't 100% true. I don't always care for life to be meaningful. I don't always work hard. I don't always care about others and I for sure don't always act in ways that show that I care to be good to others. I am often selfish and self-centred.

Ah... That I can write comfortably.

Why am I so hard on myself? When people talk about loving yourself, blah blah blah... well, I think it's just that. Blah blah blah. What do you mean, love yourself? Hm?

So interesting.... When I left the dinner tonight I really did feel great about myself, thinking about how wonderful I am. I just felt like the top of the world. So I guess I am capable of having those feelings but then something else comes, this dark side that doesn't want to let me just relax, and says, "Come on. You serious? You're great? I mean, you're OK. I'll give you that. But really wonderful? I dunno..."

Loving yourself takes a lot of work.

Shabbat Shalom. :)
QE