Even writing won't help

You know, sometimes the situation is so bad that it feels like even writing won’t help. Actually, it’s so nerve-wracking that I can barely even get myself to write. Writing is not what I want to be doing right now! It’s almost 6am and I haven’t slept yet “tonight”. I want to be shlufing (sleeping in Yiddish) like a log. I’d say like a baby but that would probably mean waking up every few hours.

I seriously can’t believe I’m up. Uch, uch, uch.

I hung out with V tonight. We went to watch Canada Day fireworks. We sat on the grass in a park amongst many other people. After they were over, almost everyone got up and left. A couple other groups of people stayed but slowly even they left (I think). So there we were, just hanging out on the grass. We put our jackets out and just lay on the grass schmoozing. Was it nice? Yeah, pretty nice. Except that I’m quite freaked out. Am I not letting myself have a fully good time with him because I’m freaked out (quite possibly) or is it really that the things that are currently issues for me really are serious issues and so I won’t be able to have a fully good time with him. I don’t feel like writing a question mark at the end of that supposed question.

Because I’m totally, freakin’ tired and the sun is up and I want to sleep.

QE