God I feel bad and Carpe Diem

I'm mulling over my hardships and I completely forget that tonight is the beginning of Remembrance Day for Israelis who have been killed or died in the army or terrorist attacks since the beginning of the State of Israel.

There was a ceremony here, my roommate told me about it this morning, and this evening I forgot. I probably would have gone.

But what's done is done, I guess. I watched Dead Poets Society instead. It is an unbelievably inspirational film. It is so much about Carpe Diem - seizing the day. Living the moment. Filling your potential.

But we don't necessarily know at all what our potential is. In the movie, Todd (I think) thinks himself worthless and they have him say to Neil that he could never be a leader because no one listens to him. And then Robin Williams is able to bring out amazing depth in him. By the end, Todd actually does become the leader. He is the 1st one to stand on his desk as Mr. Keaton (Williams) leaves the classroom for the last time.

I do not know what I'm capable of. I have NO idea what I "should" be doing. The only thing I can do is what I think of doing.

Movies suck because when someone is strongly attracted towards doing something, it turns out he's amazingly talented in that thing. In real life, you might put your heart and soul into something and then "fail". I think that never happens in movies. But it's part of reality and it's important to remember that that's OK. It's even great. Greatness is trying, right?

Greatness is trying.

What is "failing"?

The reason I bought The Alchemist is because of the intro. It was one of the most amazing things I've ever read. It talks about following your heart. And he puts it on paper. He says that the "problem" with living life to its fullest is that if in the end you "fail", you will never be able to say, "Oh, I didn't really want it anyway" because everyone knows you wanted it more than anything. And you know it too.

But if you really try, is there such a thing as failure?

I suppose failure is the lack of trying.