My depression

I'm at an extremely uncomfortable point in my life. And so my morbid, depressing, depressed writing made my creative writing teacher worry about me.

So yesterday after class he asked to talk to me and then offered to drive me wherever I was going so we could talk on the way. So he drove me home. I was so uncomfortable the whole time. Seriously, one of the most uncomfortable settings I've ever been in. Actually makes total sense. I felt terribly vulnerable in so many ways. First of all, though I was almost totally sure I could trust him, I didn't feel comfortable, physically, having him drive me, especially home. Also, he starts asking me about my stuff and talking about my screwed-upness was also terribly uncomfortable.

Those icky feelings were so strong that still when I think about that drive from yesterday, I physically feel it.

Anyway, it's true. I am feeling very down. Things are not easy for me now at all. I am finding life so difficult. I feel so up in the air, not grounded and so uncertain about so many major things. I don't know what I believe in and I find that very scary. I don't know what type of work I want to do and I find that also, so scary.

I am watching my bank account go down. HORRIBLE feeling.

I really don't know what to do.

But speaking to my teacher made me take action for finding someone good to talk to. I have been looking for that someone for so long but I really need it. So I am trying to get in touch with this rabbi I heard about (and met once) who I think might be good for this job.

QE