Dear Family, I'm not doing well

Dear Family,

I just feel like you should know that I'm not doing well. It's not right that I am going through so much and I think you don't realize the extent of the issues.

I am not sure who of you have gone through anything similar. But the point I am at in my life is extremely disconcerting.

Imagine your whole life you have a certain point of reference for most anything. And then imagine at a certain point in time you start questioning if you truly believe in this point of reference. You question if it is true and you question if there is truth.

So I have chosen to take an extremely unsettling path of trying to discover what I really think/believe to be true. I do not know if you understand this, respect it or think it silly but I know for myself, it is what I chose to do because it was the only way I could be honest with myself.

The problem is that it is not as if a person leaves one point of reference to be immediately found in a new, equally rooted point.

No. instead, I am currently in a state of extreme flux. I do not know where I am. What I believe in. If there is truth. I do not know what to think about things I see and hear and experience. I feel like I'm floating in space with no certain direction with the strong fear I may never land anywhere at all.

I believe that my current spiritual status is what, more than anything, makes me feel at times extremely down. When I am down that low, I am depressed and scared. Scared I'll never feel up again. Scared of life and so many aspects of it. My consolation is that there are ups and that gives me hope.

I need to know that you take what I'm going through seriously.

So, dear family, know that I am going through a very hard time. Know that I struggle through some of my days in a most fearsome way. Know that me knowing that you have an idea of what I'm going through, even if you cannot relate or empathise helps me because it feels very wrong when you don't. Know that if you can show me some understanding, care, concern and support, it means so much to me and it helps me.

Love,
QE