My negative behavior

Yes, I have negative behavior. Can you believe it? No, it's hard to believe. But I do. But I am pretty sure I know where it comes from. The question is, how to change your habits - those things you do over and over again, if you like it or not!

As I mentioned before, I'm signed back up to the dating website. I search like a crazy woman. I spend much too much time on it. I went to sleep much too late last night, one reason being too much time spent obsessing over the site.

I want to meet a nice boy so badly!!! I really wanna meet someone. But where is he? God, where is he? I want companionship. I want someone I feel comfortable with. Someone I feel can understand me.

Meanwhile, because of this, I'm wasting my energy and not doing things I want to be doing. I'm majorly going down in my productivity. It's sad to do that. It's such a waste of life. You can't try so hard with things, beyond where your control lies. You try as much as you can and then you keep living and breathing. And you hope for the best.

You have just got to let go.

But I wanna meet a boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I was busy looking for a job, a place to live, etc., I was fine in the boy area of my life. But I had something to focus on. I was focusing on finding a job and a place to live. That was the thing that I hoped would "fix" my life.

Now that I have both of those, I can't help but start looking for the next thing.

You know, I have all these things I want to do. Volunteer, work out, maybe find another little job.

But I'm wasting my energy on useless things instead.

QE