Making big decisions but what’s big?

Today I made a big decision. I turned down a job offer as an office manager in a sleepover camp. I felt like it was such a big decision, I think especially because I turned it down. If I’d turned it “up,” it would have felt a bit different. When I accepted my current job it felt big, but this is feeling bigger.

But what is “big” anyway? So I turned down a 2-month opportunity. Is that really so big? If it had been a 1 year opportunity, would it be bigger? Is my decision really so earth-shattering? Need I feel such gravity from such a decision?

OK, but maybe everything carries great gravity. Maybe, if everything we do has meaning (since, in my opinion, if there is meaning in anything, there is meaning in everything) then every decision is big and cataclysmic. Right?

Then, all at once, everything shrinks down to a small and not-all-too-serious level. Because the decision to get 1 or 2 scoops of ice-cream is on the same level as deciding if I am going to have a child. Everything is important. Everything is meaningful, but I so totally don’t understand how things work (because it doesn’t make much sense to little ol’ me, that ice cream and creating life is on the same level), that I may as well not go crazy trying to figure out how everything works.

I needed to decide if I should go to camp or not. Yeah, so you think about it a bit. Pros and cons in your head (or even written down). Hemming and Ha-ing… And then you decide what to do.

Did I make the “right” decision? Well, there are 2 possible answers to that. Either 1) there is no way you can ever know the answer to that question or 2) all decisions are “right.”

The bottom line is, stop stressing. : )