So much, so much

As things in my life are moving forwards and changing, I have been thinking about a lot of things I could expand on.

I was thinking about the difference between Canadians and Israelis. For anyone who's met either, the difference is very obvious. But I wonder where it stems from. When I asked the lady in the mall today, in Toronto, how to get somewhere, with a smile on her face, and her whole attention with me, she explained exactly where to go. In Israel, well, people are a little more harsh. This woman seems so content just to be telling people how to get to certain stores in the mall (she is probably in her 60's) and so many Israelis just seem so uncontent that they aren't able to put on that show for you. I have thoughts on it but I'm too tired to go into it now.

Also, I was thinking about how so totally uncomfortable change really is. Yesterday I went downtown by subway. I seriously could hardly get myself out the door because it was making me so nervous, the idea of going somewhere when I wasn't so sure how how to go and where I was going.

Today, on the other hand, I ended up having to go to almost the exact same place. I was so much more comfortable going! And afterwards, I ended up in exactly the same place as yesterday so I was so calm and relatively comfortable just because I recognized it.

I'm also thinking about all of my decisions. I interviewed for a nutrition job today. Pays so much better than a "regular" job. But I quit my nutrition job cause I HATED it! So now I'm gonna do it (even if it's only for a month) just for the money? I'm convincing myself I have other things I can get from it. It's a really, really cool clinic (www.weightcare.ca) but... I need to get away from things... But it's such good money. I mean, I won't be making my fortune but the money would be great to get.

Also, I don't know where to live. I'm tempted to just live with my family so that I don't need to pay rent. Again, it's about the money. No, it's not all about the money but it sure makes a difference in the decision.

Right now I'm feeling like I should not take that job (find a regular admin one) but live with fam.

I just want to do what's best for me. That is the most important thing. Just thinking about talking about dieting for 25 hours a week makes me feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown.

QE