Isaac, Holocaust memorial day, travelling, money, emotions

This morning I wrote a letter to Isaac which I knew I couldn't send yet but I was planning on sending it when I'd anyway need to send him a letter. Yes, a little psycho.

Then, I was out for a few hours. On my way home I was imagining that I'd arrive home and see I had an email from him. He'd write that he needs to speak to me. I'd call him and apologize for not calling right away, because I was out so I didn't get his email right away.

And when I got home, I checked my email and I actually did have an email from him! Pretty crazy, no?

Today is Holocaust memorial day. At 10:00am there is a siren (like an air-rade siren but one you can differentiate from the one that tells you to go into your bomb shelters) during which, everyone stops everything and stands to remember the Jews killed in the Holocaust.

It's amazing to experience this, especially when you are on the street. People stop their cars in the middle of the road, get out and stand next to them.

The same thing is done here on memorial day for the fallen soldiers and people killed in terrorist attacks. On that day (which is a week from today) there is a siren the evening of and then in the morning.

Anyway, so Isaac wrote me this extremely short email, asking me if I make sure to stand during the siren.

He's so funny... I can't figure out why he felt the need to write that to me. OK, there are at least 3 important things I can think of. Firstly, it is something that is really important to him and he needs to know (not that it matters at this moment, but if we end up back together in the future...) this because if I said no, that would be a very serious thing for him. Secondly, he just thinks about me tons and so this question came up. Thirdly, he's feeling especially sad today and felt the need to be in contact with me.

Anyway, I wrote him that I've finalized a date for my travelling to Canada. I'm leaving the 11th of May.

Turns out I have a ridiculously small amount of money. Oy! It's freaking me out. My dad has started telling me that he understands if I need to take money from him. It just made me cry cause I so didn't want to be dependant on him. Part of me wishes so much I could support myself for this. I feel like it somehow makes me trip so much less "me" if I can't even finance it properly, myself. It's very upsetting.

I got a great Vancouver contact. It seems like she is going to be so helpful with finding a place to live and a job. She's actually here right now and she's willing to meet me. Yay!

I need to end right now but emotions... I wrote "emotions" in the subject. Well, they are flying all over the place. Excited, terrified, sad, lonely, hopeful...

QE