I'm so lonely, so empty

I feel so alone. So sad. And I don't know what to do about it.

I'm not alone. I have my family. I have friends.

But I am alone. I am so alone. So lonely...

I am like this empty container. Full of a vacuum. It pulls towards it anything and everything. I hunger to talk to people. To communicate. To connect.

But I'm in a different place than I used to me. That really used to be how I was. Now, I have that part of me but another part is antisocial. Doesn't want to connect. Fears connecting.

I pull with one arm and push away with my other.

I used to get so excited about making a new friend with someone who I really liked right when I met them. Now, I remind myself that so often, shortly after connecting with those people, I got sick of them. I got annoyed with them. I didn't want to be connected to them anymore.

So Deena, I say, slow down! Don't be in such a hurry to make a new connection.

So here I am, feeling so terribly alone.

QE