I am uncomfortable in my own skin

I am so self conscious. Probably on every level.

I feel very uncomfortable in my body. That happens in 2 ways. Firstly, I actually physically feel uncomfortable. Lots of pains and other uncomfortable feelings.

Secondly, I don't love my body. I try to appreciate that it gets me places, but it's so not the "ideal" body and I feel it's almost impossible to come to terms with that. It's so hard to say, "My body has this extra flab, not such beautiful legs, a crooked back (I have scoliosis), I sweat too much, I have dandruff............................. and that is all good. I still have a beautiful body to be cherished and loved. Still, someone is going to think I'm totally the sexiest thing to him."

I just don't believe that. I always have this wish of changing things about my body.

For the record, obviously I think this is an unhealthy attitude (that of, when I change, then I'll be happy) and I want to work on that. I'm just sharing this aspect of me.

Besides physically feeling uncomfortable, I also feel uncomfortable in many, or most, other ways. How can I explain it? I'm always a nervous wreck about filling my proper positions in different situations and ways. Acting the right way, saying the right things... I stress out about if I'm OK. I'm always wondering if I'm OK. What do people think of me?

AM I OK???

Am I OK?
What do you think of me?
Am I satisfactory?
Am I OK?

Am I OK?
Do you like me?
Am I fulfilling my role?
As you would like of me?

Am I OK?
What am I supposed to be doing?
How am I supposed to be acting?
When you show satisfaction,
Then do I know I'm OK?

Am I OK?
Am I OK?
Am I OK?
Am I OK?


That is what I have to say about feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I am also going to copy this poem into a new posting since I think it deserves its own posting.

QE