So tired

I am worn out. So much is going on. Last night I told my mother I'm dating a non-religious guy and she's so sad and hurt by it. Meanwhile, the guy isn't calling me back which makes me sad and hurt. Also, I went to a recruitment day at a company in my city and ended up spending almost 4 hours there, being interviewed by 4 different people. 4 interviews in one day!!! It's possible that is making me tired more than anything else.

I'm quitting my job so now I'm at the point of telling all the people who come to me that in a couple of weeks I won't be there for them anymore. Now I find it amusing that one of the things I considered when thinking about quitting, was leaving my patients. I felt guilty to do it. But, though I do feel badly about it, it's no good reason to stay in the job.

So I interviewed for 2 different jobs. Both in an office doing office work either in connection to recruitment or purchasing. It's crazy how as a company gets big, every part of it becomes an entity unto itself. It's a great company. I was so impressed. Very nice atmosphere. Very nice people.

I am so worn out. I don't know what to do. I need help. I need help. I'm typing with my eyes closed, I'm so worn out. I need help. I don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to.

I feel very, very alone. I am alone. I feel very sad. I feel very hurt. I am in pain.

I am free-falling. I have no idea what's going on. What's going to happen. What's supposed to happen. Nothing can prove to me that it'll be good.

I feel like I'm supposedly opening up the world to myself but on the other hand I feel like the exact opposite. Nothing really is open to me. Nothing seems like a good option to me.

There is something that sort of seems like a good idea to me. Tzfat (Safed). Tzfat is beautiful. It is special. I connected to a couple of people while I was up there. I bet you I could get a job, rent a place, and live there for a bit. Maybe I could have a cute little life there, while going to classes by the woman whom I loved from up there. I feel like she could appreciate and understand where I am. I wonder if she could...

QE