There are endless amounts of things that I hold onto for dear life. Not great relationships, jobs, religion. It's like the same way other people hold onto disordered eating, hairstyles, bad character traits, moldy ideas.
Why do I need to hold on? What am I scared of?
Scared?! I'm TERRIFIED!!! Terrified of the unknown. So terrified that considering making changes in anything keeps me up at night thinking, thinking, thinking... Worrying about what will happen. As if staying up an extra hour, worrying, is going to help me know really what is going to happen.
Funny how wasteful that is. It's backwards. If I'm trying to make changes, I should be especially rested for the "trip." Instead, I'm up worrying.
I wrote a poem (I may have mentioned it) called something like, "When it's time to fall, fall." It's about needing to fall but not wanting to let go but needing to because otherwise you may never live.
You may never really live.
You may waste your 80 years on worrying, holding on to crap, worrying about what others will think, worrying worrying...
YOU MAY NEVER LIVE.
YOU MAY NEVER LIVE.
You might never actually really, truly, wonderfully, amazingly, vitally live. You might only do this and that. You might love a little. You might have some fun. You might have some good experiences.
But it will be nothing compared to what you could be doing/experiencing/loving.
I work so hard trying to be who I'm supposed to be that I'm not really living. Well, hardly.
QE
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