Wednesday, January 18, 2006

I had a dream

I'm guessing that my dream is as important as Martin Luther King's dream. At least to me. And what's important to me, is important to the whole world, right? Anyway, here is a quote from the letter I wrote about my dream, to my homeopath:

"A few nights ago I had the craziest dream ever. Mainly weird because of my extremely positive feelings towards it.
We were at a humongous gathering. Some sort of a protest but not sure what kind because people were being all calm. I remember feeling like no one was really saying what they were feeling and so I finally decided to take matters into my own hands. I started screaming at the top of my lungs (remember, really big place with thousands of people) everything I really thought. I just kept screaming and screaming. Finally, 2 security guards came to take care of me. I was sure at 1st that they were going to do something bad to me. They picked me up and it looked as if they were going to put me in a bookcase (hey, what can I say? it was a dream) but then, I think they just took me out of the hall.
Turns out that because of the way I acted, they put 24/7 security on me. So everywhere I went, everything I did, I had 2 guards with me.
Don't ask me why. I feel AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! about this dream! I'm telling you. I feel ecstatic everytime I think of this dream. Seriously, as I'm writing this, I have tears in my eyes from feeling so unbelievable about it. And amusingly, the whole guards thing makes me feel great too. I just love to even think about it. I don't know why! I mean, I'm laughing and crying and my stomach is going a little crazy, just thinking about it. I'm so excited about it."

That is what I wrote to my homeopath. See, this actually totally makes sense because my personality includes always trying to figure out the right thing to say and do. I never want to say the wrong thing. My conscience is humongous. Whenever I do maybe say something blunt, I feel so badly about it because I'm so worried about someone getting hurt from it or what someone might think about me from it.

But on the other hand I am quite the blunt person. I often say things most people would be scared to say. But I guess the point is that within that, I am extremely calculated. Or at least, I try as hard as I can to be.

In this dream, I did the opposite of what I'm always trying to do. I said what I thought, and not just in a secret diary locked up somewhere but in front of thousands of people. I screamed it at the top of my lungs! I kept going and going. It was the most liberating experience.

So when the guards came to take me away, it didn't really matter because I felt so great about having gotten it all of my chest. I didn't feel any guilt from it. I didn't worry about it. Even though it was serious enough that the authorities obviously got nervous about me and decided to put 24/7 guards on me. And not just 1. I always had 2 people following me around. In my dream, I even go to work with the guards.

Funny. I still feel good when I think about it. Why in the world would I like the idea of being followed around?

So, as you see, I really did have a dream and it's a beautiful dream. Maybe one day I can be a really happy person. What a beautiful idea. Imagine... Feeling so happy.

Please G-d I hope one day to feel as happy from something in "real" life as I did/do from that dream.

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