I am a nervous wreck

Did I write about my date last night that was boring as hell? Well, I'm not really sure how boring hell is and I'm sure the guy is very nice and stuff but oy vey.

Anyway, now I'm so nervous I can hardly function. This guy who I met online a few months ago may be travelling to my side of the world in a few days. We were in touch but then I told him I couldn't be in touch until he could make more of a commitment. So, if he comes over here, we'll get to meet face-to-face for the first time.

Let me barf now and just get it over with.

He seems cute and sweet and nice and considerate and smart and cool and that is why I'm going to barf. I mean, first of all, I need to barf if he really is that amazing. That means that maybe it could work out. Or, I need to barf if he isn't as impressive as he seems to be over the net. Maybe he's lying about things. Maybe he's a freak. G-d forbid! I'm so scared about that.

Anyway, he still isn't sure he's coming. He should probably know today or tomorrow. I am so freaked out I can't even discribe it! I have so many "What-ifs" in my head right now, I can't even function.

What if I like him but he doesn't like me?
What if I like him and he likes me?
What if I don't like him but he likes me?
What if I don't like him and he doesn't like me?

What if he's so sexy I just want to touch him?
What if he tries to touch me? I don't usually touch guys.
What if I really, really like him but he's actually bad for me?

That last what-if is definitely the worst sinerio. G-d forbid big-time on the last one.

Anyway, I just really want to fall in love with my "one". I want to meet the guy of my dreams that is so amazing and with whom I don't feel nervous. Imagine not feeling nervous around a guy?

Sigh sigh sigh... Meanwhile, I may have the dream of being calm around him but at the moment, I'm quite a few light-years away from calmness.

I try not to get too excited about things because I don't want to get my hopes up. I mean, I've been dating for marriage since I was 19. That means almost 8 years of blind dates and stuff like that. Oh my G-d!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 8 years?!?!?!?!?!? Now THAT could make me barf.

Anyway, as I was saying, I try not to get my hopes up but I always do. I think that like my grandmother, I am a hopeless romantic. I dream of my prince. Believe me, I'd never say that to anyone I know but you don't know me so I'll admit it to you.

Now I must go off to work. Thank G-d I only work for 3 hours at a time. Except the one day I work 4 and I feel like it's never gonna end.