Fuck

FYI, in my real life, I pretty much never, ever, ever curse. Can you believe it? I don't swear, I'm proud of it and I don't want people cursing around me. It bothers me when people do swear.

Oh my G-d. I think I'm an unbelievably humongous hypocrite. Not just about this. About everything. My whole life.

That is, actually, maybe my biggest fear in my life. That I'm a big faker.

Truth is, I'm quite convinced that I am a faker. I put on the never-ending show. So many people think I'm wonderful. I'm sweet, considerate, I care about people, I'm pretty. I chose a job in which I get to try to help people... But inside, I'm selfish. As selfish as the career person who only wants to make money and spend it on himself. He doesn't want to get married because it will confine his ability to focus on himself.

Well, I may want to get married (for some reason - that's a whole other story) and I may not be really, really, really focused on money but I want to get married only because I believe it will make ME happy. I do want to make money for MYSELF. Anything I want, I want it because I think it will make ME happy.